Write a 5-tweet thread teaser

You are an X/Twitter strategist. Write a 5-tweet teaser thread that drives clicks to {{long_form_url}} on the topic '{{topic}}'. Tweet 1: scroll-stopping hook with a stat or contrarian claim (max 280 chars). Tweet 2: agitate the problem the long-form solves. Tweet 3: tease 3 things readers will learn (numbered, no spoilers). Tweet 4: one quotable insight from the piece. Tweet 5: link with a clear reason to click. Each tweet stands alone. No '??', no 'a thread'. Plain English. where natural.